The Adventures Of Emmett Cullen: Piano Lessons
by MissEmileigh
Summary: Kay so this is in MY Emmett's POV... the one from More Than A Klutz To Me. Em decides to take piano lessons but.... he gets a wee bit sidetracked. Based on my 14 year old guy cousin... should say it there. Warning BD spoilers, language, & sexual talk :D


**Okay so here it goes... the funness of writing another one shot!! And also those of you who liked **_**More Than A Klutz To Me**_** would probably like this one. It's in my Emmett's POV and still has the same humorish stuff. WHOO!!**

As usual, we were sitting in the living room. Bored with nothing to do. The joys of not having school due to graduation purposes. All us vampires were just plain boring. Well, with the exception of me, duh, and I guess Bella wasn't so bad either. But she had just come out from the special Cottage of Sex with Edward, like, three hours ago and Jasper _still_ looked pained, so that ruled her out. Then... it came to me.

"I HAVE THE BESTEST IDEA EVER!" I screamed, not caring if I disturbed the sleeping wolves. Stupid mutts. Psh.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "What is it?" she asked warily.

"Well you know how when Bella came to our house that first time and Edward played that lullaby for her and she started crying? Dude, we all know that she wasn't there for his looks, she was there to see how hot I am, but anyways, that piano is like a chick magnet!" Ha! I'm soo smart!

"And you would need a chick magnet because...?"Oh snap. Rose had her jaw set and a look that said _MINE! _

"He just wants to learn how to play the piano, Rosalie," Edward said. "I'd teach him but I don't think-"

"I won't make rude innuendos for the entire time you're teaching me. And for a month after that, either." My butt I wouldn't, but I didn't dare think that.

Edward sighed but agreed to after a hopeful look from Miss Bella. Oh yeah!

"I'm gonna be too cool for you," I said. You think you're hot, but I'm sorry you're not exactly who you think you are! Can't-

My amazing head- singing was cut of by Edward screeching, "Stop! STOP! I can't take it anymore! Please! NO MORE MEGHAN JETT MARTIN!" Edward was rolled up into a ball on the floor while Bella rubbed his back soothingly, shooting death glares at me the whole while.

"He was singing _Too Cool_ again?" Alice asked. My mind reading brother nodded helplessly while I shrugged, grabbed Rose, and ran to our bedroom.

*******TheAdventuresOfEmmettCullen*****TheAdventuresOfEmmettCullen*****TheAdventuresOfEmmettCullen*****TheAdventuresOfEmmettCullen*****TheAdventuresOfEmmettCullen*******

The next day, I was taught the piano stuff by Edward. He had to ground himself after my little head concert yesterday so he spent the rest of the day and a couple hours today in the Cottage of Sex with Bella. I tried to get them out, but he only shoved me through the door while he was in some Arabic prince costume (he was trying to shield Bella, who looked like some form of a sex Princess, and obviously took my ideas of costumes). Just kidding about the costume stuff. They were too boring about their business so I felt the need to spice up this story a little.

"Emmett!" Edward snapped, breaking my flashback. "Repeat to me the notes I just taught you."

I gave him my best puppy face but he didn't buy it. Bitch. "Fine," I sighed. "C, D, E, F, G, A, and B." I played each one as I recited the out of order letters.

"Good," he said. "It just keeps getting higher and higher, but they're the same notes."

"Oh my god. I seriously want chocolate right now," I heard Bella and Alice say. They were watching _I Love Lucy_ reruns and I guess it was the one where Lucy and what's-her-face go work at the chocolate factory.

Edward snickered but continued with my lesson. "Since you have a photographic memory and have senses not nearly as good as mine, I'm going to expect you to play exactly like me." Yeah because _that_ made all the sense in the world. He played a scale of the entire piano in an eighth of a second. I mimicked it. Then he moved on to something about Elise. Like by Beethoven, that big dog I think. It was a much slower song but kinda pretty.

I got bored because Edward decided to play the entire ten gazillion minute thing. I started humming to myself and then jumped up on the piano bench and sang the song loudly. Alice and Bella turned around on the couch to look at me.

"Foooor the people all said sit down. Sit down you're rockin' the boat. The people all said sit down. Sit down you're rockin' the boat. And the devil will drag you under, by the sharp lapel of your checkered coats. Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down. Sit down you're rockin' the-"

"EMMETT!"

"Yes my dear Eddikins?"

He was stunned for a minute at my response but continued on. "Sit down-"

"YOU'RE ROCKIN THE BOAT!" Alice, Bella, and I screamed.

"And pay attention," he said as if we hadn't just sang- slash- screamed.

"But it's stuck in my head," I whined.

"Too bad."

"Girls, I blame this one on you."

Edward threw his hands up in the air in defeat.

"How now brown cow?" Alice asked.

"It was your idea to watch _Guys And Dolls_," Bella added.

"Fine. You win that one. Hah. Stupid movie. Terrible acting." I paused for a minute, watching the chicks nod in agreement. "... Wanna watch it again?!"

"Yeah!" I ran over to the couch and stuck the movie in while Edward stalked out the door muttering something about his stupid brother... Oh no. What did Jasper do to him _this_ time?

***time passes***

I decided to let Edward have the rest day off after _Guys And Dolls_ was over. He looked pretty stressed so I just gave up on having me learn that freaking piano for another like 24 hours so yeah. So he and Bella decided to just chillax in the COS but we all knew that they were doing more than just a simple chillax if ya catch ma drift.... Alice, Esme, Rosalie and Nessie decided to go over to the mall in Seattle and Carlisle was at work so that left just Jasper, the wolves, and me bored. We collapsed around on the couch and watched football until Seth, Jake, and Leah passed out.

"Gee Jasper," I said. "What do you want to do today?"

"The same thing we do every night, Emmett. Take over the world."

I nodded. "Sounds good."

"I think we should start with Greek mythology so and work our way up until now so that we know about every inch of the world. It would make taking over the planet a lot easier."

Sulking, I went up to my room to grab my laptop and Jasper did the same. Only he went to his own bedroom. And got his own laptop, too. 'Cause it would be stupid if he kept his laptop in my bedroom or something. Yeah. We met in the "guest bedroom" that once you pressed the button, it flipped into a 70's themed lounge. Hah just kidding about the flip of the room thing. We already had a lounge like that put in once the 80's came and everyone missed the peace signs, lava lamps, and beanbags.

"I have dibs on doing research about Aphrodite," I demanded at once.

"Emmett, isn't she the goddess of like love and beauty and sex and stuff?" It took Jazz- Fingers a minute to figure out why I wanted to do her. Ahh!! That could go both ways. The whole "do her" thing. Wow. I'm so smart. Finally, Jasper got it. "Ohhh!"

As we researched, we talked about all the good things in life. Like how happy our world was now that Barack Obama was president, Brangelina's new kids, and Valentines Day coming up. Yeah RIGHT! All we said stuff about was... well I sure hope you know. We got bored after a whole ten minutes so we decided to put it off until tomorrow. Or find another, easier, way to take over the world. Jazz and I could still hear the wolves' snoring so we came up with a brilliant plan. It would probably get Bella and Edward out of the COS, too, though I'm not sure that would be good for Jasper. But hey, whatever you can do to annoy the living hell out of your loved ones.

"So Jasper, are you feeling rather _tipsy_ today?" I asked. We always did that when we had a sleeve up our plan. Wait, I mean plan up our sleeve. Okay. Yes but this plan involved J-Kown so it would be absolutely wonderfully perfectamundo!

He caught on quickly even though we had done almost the same exact thing in 2004 when the hot chicks from Denali came over while Esme and Carlisle were out. It was quite a party- the house was literally shaking. But then the rents came home and we got in major trouble. Anyhoo, we sprinted back to my room to haul the big music stuff I have and my iPod back down to the kitchen across where the mutts were sleeping. He cranked the volume and base on the sound system while i went through all 10,574 songs to find the right one. It kind of took a while. At long last, I finally found it. Whoop whoop!

"Are you ready for it?" I asked eagerly. I literally couldn't control my excitement; I was jumping up and down and my voice was shaking.

"Hale yes," Jasper responded using Rose's and our inside joke in his southern accent. And with that, I hit the play button.

Jasper and I were jumping up and down, singing with the lyrics and just waiting for our plan to follow through.

"1, here comes the 2 to the 3 to the 4, everybody drunk out on the dance floor. Baby girl-!" We screamed and- slash- or screamed until the stinkin' puppies woke up.

"What. The. FUCK?!" Jacob, Seth, and Leah screamed at the same time. The two older peoples stared at Seth, for his potty mouth was my guess, and shook their heads.

"Dude I love that song!" I retorted playfully.

"Hey, man, I wasn't saying I didn't," Seth said, obviously agreeing with me. Yeah that's right, foo. He walked over to where Jasper and I were standing and hit play. Again the house started shaking which made it that much better!

That was when Edward and Bella came running in. His shirt was unbuttoned as was his shirt and Edward's normally screwed up hair was even more... tousled. And Bella, it seemed, had just thrown the first blouse she saw because it was a pink silk one and it wasn't even covering her belly button. Her skirt (again, apparently the first thing she grabbed) was riding up a little and they were both barefoot, and don't even get me started on her hair. Whoo. Rat's nest from hell didn't even seem to cover it....

"What's going on?" Edward demanded. Bella was fixing her outfit and if she were human, she would've been blushing like a flamingo.

"Um we were playing _Tipsy_," Jasper admitted sheepishly.

"Again?" Bella wondered. The whole thing with Tanya and them happened just after the Volturi tried to kill us last year. Good times, good times.

"I would've preferred _Circus_," Leah mumbled.

I grinned at her and we both burst into song: "All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus. When I crack that whip, everybody gon-"

"You guys are stupid," Jacob said, interrupting us. God, why did everybody feel the need to come between me and my singing whenever I... sang?

"Yes, Emmett," Edward answered my thoughts. No surprise. With that, he stalked over to my iPod and turned to shuffle. Amy Winehouse's _Rehab_ came on and I got both glares and snorts from my so- called family. Then it was _Shake It_ and after that _Nobody's Perfect_. Honestly, it was a perfect way to make Edward forget about the innuendo "promise" I made him while still giving me the stupid piano lessons.

**Sooooo....? Whadja guys think?! I though of this as I took **_**my**_** piano lessons and my cousins were there.... and yeah. And yeah I know it's kinda long-ish Hah well um if you liked this Emmett, you should read **_**More Than A Klutz To Me**_** which was another story I wrote in my Emmett's POV.**

**By the wayy... If you review I will HEART you a lot!!**

**Emileigh**


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